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This is gonna be the shit

Aug. 21st, 2006

Ozzfest = amazing

Yesterday, during the day, was awesome. 
I spent the whole day with Lauren (after fighting with Scott for an hour) and seriously, best day I've had in a long time. Smoked a lot of weed (some form my new pretty bowl) which was sweet, because i needed to be numb. Drank a bit too before we got Scott... so I was feeling a little better. 

About once or twice a year, I get extremely depressed and start hating myself... a lot. Last night was one of those nights. Usually I don't like people to see me like that...but Scott wouldn't leave me alone. To make a really really long story short, he made me feel like shit even more than I did, and he almost broke up with me too. well, he said the words but i think me starting to hyperventalate probably made him change his mind because he was scared... maybe not but I don't know. Shit, I don't want to go into complete details, but Kyle and I are no longer friends and he isn't allowed over my house, according to Scott I treat everyone like shit and piss everyone off and everyone is sick of me, and I suck. So um, I don't know what I'm gonna do about all this. I really just want to sleep and not wake up... but I know I will and I'll be sad. It also sucks because even if Scott and I make up, I told my mom everything and he isn't allowed over here for a week. Eh, gay - but I love her for supporting me. 

That's enough for now. 

Update when I like myself - maybe not for a while

Aug. 4th, 2006

HAPPY 4th OF JULY!

Havent updated in a little while. Summer has been treating me nicely -good to know. 
I've been drinking and smoking a lot - which i know really isnt good for me, technically, but I'm having fun. So that's all that matters. 
Went to the Detrot Fireworks on Wednesday... the only cool part was the fireworks. Kyle really pissed me off by freaking out in the car and getting out, driving 45 on I-75, and then driving 110 mph!! so to say the least, we couldnt keep up with him and we had no idea where we were going... so i wanted to kill him. luckily my brother gave us semi-directions. 
So then we got to Detroit and finally found parking for 6 bucks - amazing. kyle was just being gay the whole time and eventually we all split up and me, scott, and katie were left. ohhh well. 
So thursday I hung out and got drunk with Mead, Scott, Katie, Lauren, Nicole,. Jessica, and Kyle. good shit!
I'm so happy that nicole, lauren, and jessica and I are all friends again. like, we talk onine again, and we've been hanging out. dude, i missed this. The summer is definately looking up. It's gonna be a great one guys :)

SUMMER OF '06!

Wow, this school year has gone by so fast. I have changed so much too. I don't hang out with the same people and my personality is so different - hopefully better. lol. but this year to come is going to be amazing. i mean come on - it's my senior year! I have to make the best of it. This summer is gonna rock too :)
Haven't really updated in a while. things have been going pretty good lately. yeah, Scott and I have had some rough patches, but I think they have made us stronger. We've been going to Pat's a lot lately for bonfires, which are really cool and I get to meet a lot of people. he's drinking and smoking occasionally again, which is fine by me. I really think we've grown a lot closer in the past couple of weeks. So I'm happy about that.

Katie and i have been hanging out a lot lately. Yeah, we were close before, but she is honestly my best friend now. I heart hanging out with her. lol.

Shawna is graduating :(
I feel really bad for kinda neglecting her lately. so im gonna try to hang out with her more often before she moves.

This summer is gonna be so fucking sweet! no, for real. im so excited. It's actually warm out now. like 80 degrees warm. i fucking love it. and scott is getting his liscence soon, which will be SO much better cuz then we can drive around instead of walking everywhere.

speaking of walking... i am DETERMINED to lose weight this summer. i always say that shit but i never do anything about it. but this time I will. I dont want to be fat my senior year. i saw myself on tape from the pop concert and i was disgusted. i really am ever time i look in the mirror. like, my face is fat now and i can not deal with that. I was always fine with having a fat body, but i always had my face - and now its fat. that is not acceptable. so i gotta lose weight for real. i dont care if its only ten pounds because at least my face will be thinner.

enough of my self-pity. ill update sometime soon

May. 22nd, 2006

had a good 420 yesterday. of course i smoked, hung out with scott all day... which was sweet. so yeah... nothing else really new.

<3
Valentines day was fucking awesome. It was the first one where I felt special and whatnot and had someone to spend it with :)
Scott took me out to dinner to Benihana's (cant spell, but we all knew that)and that place was fucking expensive, but really really good. but when we got the bill - $1 fucking dollar short. it was hilarious though because we tried to leave without paying the dollar. so the little asian lady runs after us and Scott called up his dad for some moolah. So then we went back to his house and watched The Crow cuz i heart that movie. over-all I had an awesome time. I felt bad for him though because he kept on getting embarassed... even though he shouldnt have because im so NOT a judgmental person and i wouldnt care either way cuz im sweet like that. lol. I should write about the funniest part of the night, but I've told too many people and yeah... just know that it was hilarious and i will tease him till the day i die... but its all in good fun :)

Scott came over last night and we just chilaxed. yes, im using that word now and it will come back into play with everyone. lol. we just watched American Idol and Fatcamp. that show was sweet. I miss cuddling on the couch with someone... so it was nice. I think I'm starting to like him a lot. and that kinda scares me because whenever this happens i end up getting fucked over and having my heart broken. but he doesnt seem like the type of guy that would do that... i hope.

Hopefully we're hanging out tonight. HAHAHA! I know, we're hanging out a lot... but what can I say? i like hanging out with the kid - he rocks it.

ok, so sorry that I'm talking about him so much. lol. but i talked to Ian today to try and find out what the hell is going on with him and shawna and he was like "well, i am really into you and i feel like you trying to pass me down like a handme down because someone else came along". well, he needs to understand that we are friends who met on the internet, he lives in lansing, and its never gonna happen. does he expect me to have a long distance relationship where it mostly consists on the fucking internet? no, i dont think so. its not happening. i also think that he and Shawna would be so good together. hes a cool guy and Shawna is my best friend and i love her and want her to be happy for once. so even though he hates me now, i have to fix this. i just feel bad because i guess i really hurt him. ooooooo well. He'll find someone so much better than me and forget about everything. i hope, because its just weird to like someone that fucking much you've never talked to on the phone. lol.

well, i've written quite a bit... so im done.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!
gah i hate LJ. as big of a whore as i am - it pisses me off. i updated and it didnt show it. it said it was successful, but its gay. i had to re write that thing 4 times too! so here are the main points:

1. good day today - i was hyper and Ali rocks it.

2. therapy was good. made me sad, but i didnt let it ruin my good mood.

3. trained for my job at taco bell and there were some pretty cool people there.

4. gay. my stupid pants from taco bell are way too small.

5. hope to have a good week.

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